The Problem with Male Energy


The Problem with Male Energy is that we are confused.  Really confused.  Men are confused about it, women are confused about it.  We make wide, sweeping judgements about men, about women, which just makes us fragmented and miserable.

Maybe it’s helpful first to say what male energy is not. It is not violent, angry, disdainful, unattached, rapist, or cruel. Those things are psychopathic. Real, pure, embodied male energy is not psychopathic.

I care about this stuff because I have three sons who are all now men. In raising them I encountered a lot of crazy bullshit regarding maleness. As a young mother living in a very progressive state where gender lines are blurred, protesting naked for Peta barely raises an eyebrow, and there is a feminists on every street corner, I noticed a great deal of contempt for male energy. Cooperative play that centered around police or military imaginings was judged as wrong, never seen in it’s real light of teaching higher level communication skills. Using sticks as guns in highly orchestrated play was thought of as perpetuating male violence. No, people, games where boys torment animals or other people perpetuate violence. What happens to a boy when all the adults around him tell him that the creative play that comes from the epicenter of his being is bad? Think about that.

No doubt the psychopathic, death and destruction gone wild that was the nuclear bomb was created by men, which is why we are all so confused. Who wouldn’t have a deep visceral reaction to a power that can annihilate all life? It is especially unthinkable to women who create life, endure unthinkable pain to bring life into being, nurse our babies with milk from our bodies, and devote so much of our lives to nurturing them.

But the confusion is making us all fucked up.

Nuclear Weapons and all war for that matter are psychopathic.

Real male energy is concerned with conservation, preservation and safe keeping. Real male energy is at its essence a protective energy and never destructive. I see this every Spring when ducks nest on my pond. The female sits on the eggs while the male swims about, patrolling the landscape, protecting her. After I had my babies I wanted to be protected. I do not have a Sacagawea complex and need to be driving a canoe five minutes after giving birth.  Sacagawea who, by the way, died of “putrid fever” when she was 25 years old. Lets not romanticize her. Sacagawea needed a strong male energy to put things right for her. No one stepped up.

We need men to stick up for women who aren’t getting equal pay or who are getting Harvey Weinsteined. Real male energy  unabashedly stands up for righteousness and justice.

Here is the thing; we see male aggression as bad. Not only is it not bad, it is necessary to have people who aggressively go for things.  We have some pretty gigantic problems, mostly pertaining to whether life on Planet Earth continues or not.  We need to attack the world’s problems aggressively. Seriously, time is running out. Complacency never solved anything. Men are afraid of seeming aggressive because now aggression is bad. No, murder, rape and genocide are bad!  There are a lot of women out here wondering, where have all the men gone?

I am one of them.  I feel like we have a whole country filled with men who are completely shut down by the shame of being born male.

We need to stop judging men as bad, especially while raising sons. We need to stop identifying with notions of gender that are born of fear. Actually, how about we stop identifying with gender at all? Can we get back to a place where each individual no longer feels a huge collective shame that comes from who they were born to be?

Man up men, we need you.

PS I am very proud of my “boys” who played war games and dress up and whatever the hell else they wanted and grew into very fine men.

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3 thoughts on “The Problem with Male Energy

  1. Thank you for reminding us that we need to consider this topic. We all need to know that there is nothing wrong with male or female energy and that embracing this is part of being healthy.